Conflict at work is inevitable if you work with other human beings. Any human relationship will have times when different perspectives lead to disagreement and discord. No one wants to work somewhere that discourages innovation, critical thinking, debate or transformation for the sake of harmony. But often the way that we deal with conflict is unhealthy, either for ourselves, our team, and/or our cause.
There are all sorts of reasons why conflict might arise and be difficult to move past, one of which is our tendency to assume that our way of seeing the world is either the only, or the “right” way. Frustration can quickly build when others seem to be stubbornly refusing to switch their position to the one that seems so obvious to us. And when different positions seem to be incompatible, it becomes a battlefield where the focus is about winning or losing ground. One of the most obvious solutions to this is to acknowledge the existence of different perspectives and learn to see their value. This is where my coaching model – the enneagram – comes in.
The Enneagram Perspective
The enneagram is, in a nutshell, a model of personality in which everyone is classified as being dominant in one of nine different types. (To briefly summarise the answers to the inevitable nature vs nurture questions about how we become our type – nobody knows for sure.) These types are nine different ways of seeing the world and relating to the self and others. Summarised very briefly, the nine types are:
1 – The Reformer – rational, idealistic, perfectionistic, principled, self-controlled
2 – The Helper – caring, people-pleasing, possessive, generous, highly interpersonal
3 – The Achiever – success-oriented, driven, pragmatic, image-conscious, adaptive
4 – The Individualist – sensitive, dramatic, expressive, creative, self-aware
5 – The Investigator – perceptive, innovative, cerebral, curious, insightful
6 – The Loyalist – committed, responsible, anxious, engaging, suspicious
7 – The Enthusiast – busy, fun-loving, spontaneous, distractible, versatile
8 – The Challenger – powerful, self-confident, decisive, wilful, confrontational
9 – The Peacemaker – agreeable, complacent, accepting, trusting, stable
When it comes to discovering your type, it’s important to know that the enneagram is about core motivations rather than behaviour. There are online tests that you can do which will give you scores, rating how much you appear to “fit” the different types, but these are only around 60% accurate. So, they can be a good place to start, but take them with a pinch of salt and do more research. Read more on this here.
I personally think that the most helpful way to find and understand your type is to listen to other people who know their type talk about their experiences of being them. There are several podcasts that offer this – my personal favourite is ‘The Road Back to You’, which is where I discovered my type. Enneagram coaches can also help you to discover your type, but be wary of anyone who claims to be able to tell you what you are – only you know your core motivations (desires and fears). This is something you have to own and it should be a collaborative process.
Knowing your type is just the beginning: the enneagram is a model of growth which encourages exploring the full range of personality, celebrating your strengths, noticing your blind spots. It’s also about trying out things which seem uncomfortable or even bizarre to your usual way of thinking in order to broaden your perspective.
One of my favourite quotes about the enneagram comes from Ian Morgan Cron, who says “The Enneagram doesn’t put you in a box. It shows you the box you’re already in and how to get out of it.” It also doesn’t say there are only nine prescriptive ways of being – there are further levels of complexity (including instinctual subtypes and arrows of movement in times of greater stress and security – see on the diagram how each type is linked to two others!) and an appreciation that expression of type can be so individual.
Different ways of seeing the world
One of the keys to using the enneagram to your advantage is learning to accept that these nine different types are nine different ways of seeing the world. You cannot make someone else see the way you do. But too much of the time, we assume that our view is universal, and if others disagree then it’s because they don’t have all the facts, haven’t been paying attention, are just trying to cause an argument, etc.
We don’t need to change the way we or others see in order to change the way we respond to differences; if we can learn to value differences and treat them with curiosity rather than fear and contempt, then we can get to know our colleagues in new ways which make resolving conflict quicker and easier.
Perhaps the simplest way to approach this is to look at the three different conflict styles. All numbers on the enneagram are linked to others in one of three ‘triads’. These are also known as the Harmonic triads, and describe how we react when we don’t get what we want. Let’s take a look at each triad, and how they can clash with each other.
The Positive Outlook Triad – The Helper, The Enthusiast and The Peacemaker
Conflict is really uncomfortable for these types! It’s easier to resolve conflict if there isn’t really a problem in the first place isn’t it…? So in their own ways, these types deny the existence of the problem by putting a positive spin on things or hoping it will resolve itself. In a wider team this tendency brings strengths as well – it can stop an issue seeming hopeless, and stop smaller things spiralling unnecessarily. If the only people resolving a problem are in the positive outlook triad, there is a risk that it will only grow or continue to be a hindrance, or that the team will become overwhelmed by the enormity of the solutions required.
The Reactive Triad – The Individualist, The Loyalist, and The Challenger
These types have strong emotional reactions to disappointment, and they want you to know it. They also want a strong emotional reaction from you – the absence of this implies to them that you aren’t taking it seriously enough, or don’t care enough, or are invalidating their own reactions. These types have a deep desire to get the problem resolved, and are not afraid of drawing others’ attention to the scale of a problem, and how it affects people. When with others of the same triad, these types will find venting cathartic, feeling that their view of the situation being dreadful has been understood. However, there is a risk that this will ‘feed’ the problem until everyone is catastrophising and doesn’t know where to start.
Positive outlook types may see reactive triad types as being overly pessimistic, and try to draw their attention to any positives they can see – “it’s not the end of the world!” But reactive types may see this as minimising the problem and feel a need to be even more emotionally expressive to make themselves understood.
The Competency Triad – The Reformer, The Achiever, and The Investigator
Types in the competency triad focus on trying to find an objective, logical solution and prefer to keep emotion out of it. They see problems as things to be solved, and are willing to find the best way of doing so. Of course, not everyone will agree on what the ‘best’ solution is, and this can cause conflict between these types. This is likely to be a fairly dispassionate conflict, which can take more time than the other triads feel comfortable with.
For example, reactive types want the conflict to be dealt with as soon as possible, and may feel competency types are wasting time rather than just getting on with sorting it out. They are also likely to think competency types do not think the problem is very important because of the comparative lack of emotion in their reactions, and lack of consideration for how the solutions may affect others emotionally.
In return, competency types are likely to think that reactive types are overreacting and not appreciating their efforts to do things well and ‘right’. They can also see positive outlook types as not really wanting to solve the problem, and can get frustrated at their reluctance to face the issue. The amount of time and level of detail that competency types can put into problem solving can seem excessive to positive outlook types, who after all are trying to believe that it isn’t really that big a deal!
So how can this help you with resolving conflict at work?
Firstly, try to become more aware of which conflict style you tend to use and start to question whether stepping outside of this would be beneficial to the situation. There may be times when your sunny positivity, complete outrage or analytic focus is exactly what is needed – but what about those times when this creates a significant blind spot? Remember that the enneagram is a dynamic model of growth so that while you may predominantly use one style, this might not always be the case. Reflect on why this might be. For example, do you feel more comfortable disagreeing with certain people than others? Does it feel safer to admit disappointment in certain environments than others?
Secondly, appreciate that everyone brings different strengths to a situation, and the differences you run into when you experience conflict are different strengths trying to work together. Name your frustrations but don’t make it about criticising other people – for example, “I’m getting a bit annoyed that you don’t seem to be as bothered by this as me. I don’t really understand your reaction to this. Can you explain where you’re coming from?”.
Thirdly, consider that you may be fundamentally disagreeing on what the main problem is in the first place, but not even realise this. Taking a step back and asking ‘OK, what do we both/all think is the main problem here?’ can be a good way to get different people’s views. You might be trying to solve two different problems and be missing each other’s attempts at resolution completely.
Dr Rebekah Tennyson is an Enneagram Coach and Clinical Psychologist working in the NHS, and the founder of Enneagram Psychology. She is passionate about helping relationships to thrive and is a strong believer in the power of good communication. Find out more at www.enneagrampsychology.co.uk
