We often talk about the struggles of “switching off” from work, and how hard this can be. Being able to switch off is the Holy Grail of work-life balance. But if you’re anything like me you’re a total failure at this. I find it really hard not to think about work during evenings, weekends and holidays. This waxes and wanes depending on how intense work is, whether I’m particularly worried or stressed about something, and what’s going in my personal life.
Is ‘Switching Off’ a helpful idea?
It’s a theme that comes up a lot in my therapeutic work with doctors, nurses, therapists and other professionals. We talk a lot about techniques for winding down and switching off. But recently I’ve been wondering how helpful this is. Healthcare professionals spend their working hours tackling emotionally and cognitively demanding tasks that require focus and high levels of analytical thinking and problem solving. Is it realistic to think we can just switch this off once the shift is over? Many of us choose these professions because they closely align with our core values, and our jobs are usually central to our sense of identity. Is it even possible to decide to switch these parts of ourselves off?
When we get embroiled in a struggle to switch off this can add insult to injury. Focussing our energies on trying to stop ourselves thinking or feeling about work is only ever likely to work in the short term. And when it doesn’t work we can end up feeling critical of ourselves, more anxious, angry, resentful etc.
Not only is switching off probably an unrealistic goal, but it could potentially have unhelpful consequences. We’re not actually able to selectively switch off parts of our minds or selves – what can end up happening is that we switch off all together at times. This often takes the form of feeling disconnected from the people and experiences that matter most to us. When we aren’t able to be present with the things that bring us joy life can start to feel very effortful and meaningless.
Shifting gear rather than switching off
So how do we ensure work doesn’t become all-consuming without getting caught up in “switching off”? One answer is to focus on shifting gear, rather than switching off. Once the working day is done we can intentionally give priority to meeting our personal needs – without fighting with the parts of ourselves that find it hard to let go of work.
This is a bit like shifting from Monday-morning-commute mode, to Sunday-afternoon-drive mode. The traffic (like our thoughts and feelings) is always unpredictable, but we can choose whether to focus on what the other cars are doing, or just let them be and focus on the journey. We can choose whether to use our energies to compete with the other vehicles that are getting in our way, or allow them to do their own thing.
In doing this we can make room for the thoughts and feelings about work that will inevitably crop up. We can develop an acceptance for these experiences, knowing they are an important part of our lives, but not the only part. We can acknowledge them (like other cars on the road) but not let them take us off course.
Shifting gear enables us to focus on the things that really matter outside work, without getting caught up in a battle with unwanted work-related thoughts and feelings. Here’s how to do it…
3 steps to shifting gear
Here are three steps to help you shift gear from prioritising work, to prioritising your personal life:
- Transitional rituals
Mark the transition from work time to personal time with a simple ritual. If you get into the habit of doing this it will become a strong signal to your mind and body that it is time to shift gear. This will help to create psychological boundaries around your work, so that you can re-focus on other important aspects of your life.
A transitional ritual can be very simple. For example, listening to your favourite radio station on the way home, having a shower, going for a walk, or changing your clothes. Do it in the same way each time so that it becomes a powerful queue for shifting gear.
- Complete the stress cycle
Incorporate activities that will allow your nervous system to process the day. This is not necessarily about conscious reflection, but about giving your body and mind some space to engage its natural processing mechanisms. Carve out and protect time to do these things, either on your own or with others. Here are some of the key activities for soothing our nervous systems (adapted from Burnout by Nagoski & Nagoski):
- Physical activity – As a wise woman once said, “shake it off”. If you can spend 20 minutes or more each day walking, running, dancing or stretching your body and mind will thank you.
- Breathing – slow deep breathing will calm your nervous system and help you gently connect with your body. Try the simple square breathing technique: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, and repeat. It might help to find something square or rectangular in your surroundings to focus on while you do it – following the sides of the shape as you complete each step.
- Positive social interaction – have a casual friendly chat with someone. It could be a shop-keeper or neighbour. Try not to withdraw into your inner world.
- Laughter – watch or listen to a show that gives you a deep belly laugh; call a friend to reminisce about a funny memory.
- Affection – reach out to those who make you feel safe. Hugs with a loving person, cuddles with a pet, or a spiritual connection with a higher power all offer sources of affection that can let your body know you are safe.
- Crying – having a “good cry” releases the body’s natural painkillers and enables self-soothing.
- Creative expression – engaging in absorbing tactile and multi-sensory activities such as making art or music, crafting and creative writing enables emotional processing and can be very calming.
- Unhook
Learn ways of unhooking from the pull of work in order to do what matters. When you notice thoughts or feelings about work getting their hooks into you, stop and take a pause. Use grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present moment. Mindfully consider what is most important to you right now. What action can you take that will bring you closer to living the life you want?
Next Steps
The ideas suggested here are based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). If this approach resonates with you and you think you would like help to develop mindfulness and unhooking skills, or to clarify what really matters to you, book a call with me.
