Knowing your values can be a powerful tool in guiding your decision making, setting goals, giving you motivation when things feel hard, and bringing greater meaning to your life. If you want to learn more about the difference between values and goals read this.
In this blog I will outline how to get greater clarity about what matters most to you, step-by-step.
Step 1 – Pick a life domain
Our values can vary depending on the context. To help you get specific start with one domain of your life, perhaps one that’s troubling you right now. Life domains include: work, education, family, parenting, friends, romance, health, fun, finances etc.
Step 2 – Consider what qualities you want to embrace
Values are about the type of person we want to be and the sort of qualities we want to be embody. Complete these sentences:
“In this domain of my life
- I want to treat myself with __________
- I want to treat others with __________
- When things get hard I want to stand for _________
Step 3 – Imagine your own funeral
This is an idea from Russ Harris. Imagine you somehow get stranded on a desert island, and everyone thinks you have died. Somehow you are able to tune into the livestream of your own funeral. The people most important to you all get up to say speeches about you. What would you want to hear them say about the sort of person you were, in this particular domain of your life?
Step 4 – Imagine a miracle
Now, imagine that within this domain you have achieved all your goals – you have everything you could ever want. You also have the approval of the whole world so that whatever you do is good and right in everyone’s eyes. How would you choose to behave? How would you act towards yourself and other people?
Step 5 – If you are stuck
If you have worked through the previous steps and are struggling to identify your values here are some helpful tools:
- Values checklist – from Russ Harris (shared with permission) – use this for inspiration, or to narrow down and prioritise your most important values.
- Values sorting exercise– this is based on the above checklist, and is a neat way to sort through a list of values to identify those most important to you in a particular domain of life.
Step 6 – Summarise
Create a summary of the key values you have identified for this domain. You might want to make a note of them in a journal, write a memo to yourself, or do something creative to represent them. Whatever you do, keep it handy so that you can remind yourself of these values whenever you feel in need of guidance, motivation or meaning.
Step 7 – Take action
How could you live these values today? What one thing could you do right now that would be a move towards the sort of life you want and the sort of person you want to be? Taking values-led action isn’t always easy, and can raise a lot of discomfort and difficult feelings. If you notice this happening, acknowledge it, try to accept that this is normal and to be expected, and use grounding techniques to help you stay focussed on doing what matters.
Step 8 – Repeat
Repeat this process for your other important life domains.
Next Steps
Knowing your values and taking committed action are core processes within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). If this approach resonates with you and you think you would like help to clarify your values book a call with me.
